Yet another sleepless night. You toss and turn until the earphone lead is wrapped around your neck. Yo take the time to unwind it, sit up and you sigh. What can you do with these thoughts tearing you apart. You are exhausted, you know you must sleep because you should be starting tomorrow in 3 hours. Time, more and more it feels like it is just a human invented illusion.
You resort to opening the window wide to let in the cold English night. Perhaps the bitter cold will push you into yet another empty street. What else can you do, you feel you must reach a balance soon, it has become too hard living in limbo...
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3 comments:
Pain in the neck, the sleeplessness. And a lonely feeling, too. I know. Depression obscures thoughts & perceptions, causes pain for the sufferer, but also for those in concentric circles.
The good news? It is easily treated; even stubborn depression can be managed w/ today's pharmaceutical help. Thank GOD for pharmaceut. research. Taking medicine yet?
Other good news? Jesus loves you, Mull. He loves you, & will run to you when you reach to Him. Remember what the 'father' in the Prodigal Son story did when he saw his long-lost son returning home. He RAN to meet him.
The significance of the father running? Men of stature in that time NEVER ran. It would have been seen as humiliating himself, beneath his status. This father didn't give a rip about status...his son was coming HOME!! He couldn't get to him FAST enough, & he would endure any & all humiliation in order to take that son into his arms & hold that head against his chest.
That's the love Jesus has for me, & for you. No price was too large, no humiliation too intense - even public beating & death on a cross -to bring me & you into His arms & lay my/your head against His chest.
Glory, glory Hallelujah.
Thanks, was nice to read and feel understood. Sorry for taking so long to get back to you.
The medication: Haven't touched it and probably wont. I have always been very anti-medication and will continue to be that way. Rather than fighting the feelings and masking them in medication i prefer to find the source of the problem and get over it/ solve it. In this case i just clarified things and decided to leave the past where it is and move on. Time in my opinion is an illusion created by Man. The past is gone, tomorow never comes. We only live in NOW. No point in speculating about the past of future unless of course to learn from mistakes but what i mean is its best to look at today.
As for the God aspect, i tried but i feel really hypocritical doing it but i guess for someone as 'Calculating' as myself it will take a long time but i guess it will come slowly. wont happen overnight. Just have to keep working at it i guess.
Ive always believed whatever doesnt kill you will leave a scar but also makes you stronger. The only way forward from here is forward with a valueable lesson learned. No point being bitter.
Thanks for the thoughtfull comments as always,
Regards, Mull.
~ Ps, my verication word for this post was "Faithe" Bit creepy
"I have always been very anti-medication and will continue to be that way."
ugh! another one!!? So's my husband. Maybe this is a transitional time for you, & you may not need it...? Really though, if you need medicine, it's OK to take it.
Re: God "i tried but i feel really hypocritical doing it"
There's not a person on this globe that is worthy to approach God. Thus, Jesus. You are free to approach Him, no matter what - b/c of Jesus. Remember that. He is the Father who runs to His child, Mull. You (& I) are that child.
"Ive always believed whatever doesn't kill you will leave a scar but also makes you stronger."
Agreed. My take on the concept comes from Romans 8:28 --
"And we know that all things work together for good, for those who love the Lord & who have been called according to His purpose."
Perhaps you are 'called according to His purpose' Mull. (Not b/c of your present 'trial;' I am speaking in generalities). I believe it's so.
I continue to pray for you, my friend.
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