Thursday, December 24, 2009


It becomes funny when you realize that the world does not change. Only our perception of it does. Time is an illusion man has created and since time in my opinion does not exist then change does not happen.

"Do I dare to trust this time?
Only those who have been burned before
Ooh, the Bells of Fortune, will I ever hear them chime?
Truly know the meaning of Hell's flaming core

I was the brooding night and you were dawn.
Saving me, for I was forlorn, in your light I am reborn.
Kiss me once and I will surely melt and die,
Looking down into those eyes, I know, I'll be lost and never found again."


Just a few weeks ago these were beautiful lines that i thought were talking about happiness and so on but now they seem of a deep sorrow. "Only those who have been burned before, Truly know the meaning of Hell's flaming core" I guess i've been burned than, perceptions have changed.

Life And Books

Some people look at life as a book with chapters. Birth being the first and death being the last with all the 'Normal' school, university, marriage and kids and so on being the chapters in the middle of all this.

Others are not luck to have book styled lives and it's just one massive scroll with life on one end and death on the other. No chapters, just survival. These people are sometimes looked down on by the book people but hey. Not everyone sticks to the same thing through life. Some may cut up that manuscript and bind it into a book. But i'd rather burn and toss the ashes into the river of life and just go with the flow. Not everyone lives a long 'standard' life and accomplishes things. My greatest accomplishment will be staying happy and living for myself. Too bad if im forgotten.

New Years Resolutions

I have never bothered making new years resolutions because I have never intended to keep any but perhaps i should.

1. I will give God a chance and really make an effort. I know I can't keep that going for long so lets call it until end of February.

2. Put a little more effort into my music and give it a chance.

Enough ranting for now.

Merry Christmas :)

Saturday, December 5, 2009


There was once a time where you hated the side effects of the medication. The little tablet that slows down the ticking time-bomb inside your body that you know will one day explode and put you to sleep for the last time. Since birth it has ticked and now the battery runs low. You boost it every night with a little tablet. The side effects of this little daily charge up are the slow poisoning of the liver and kidneys coupled with a temporary feeling of being drunk. Usually you dislike the feeling but not tonight, tonight you are looking forward to disappearing inside your own mind for the days events have caused you to beat a hasty retreat.

"And the drugs begin to flow,
A feeling of joy arises in me"

This line rings through your head and you smile... The day is finally over... Peace is found inside your mind. Nothing can touch you there...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


You no longer sleep well. 4 Hours at the most. Spend the early and late hours of the morning trying to stop thinking and just trying to drift into a sleep that never seems to come. When you have to get up finally to do the daily necessities you are exhausted and want to sleep but cannot.

You look at the still sealed bottle of anti-depressants that have been prescribed by a doctor but do not touch them. You know you are not depressed, just lost, confused, do not know who you are anymore. You cannot refer to yourself as 'I' anymore as you do not know who this I is.

The day drifts by in an almost incomprehensible haze. You laugh, joke, and smile but none of it is real. You are running on autopilot that has been developed through years of socializing with people you feel are on a lower cognitive development level. That is not enough to keep you going anymore. You are feeling like a hollow shell of your former self...

The night comes again and you wonder how to get to sleep. Do you get drunk and pass out... Do you fall back to the drugs of your youth. You dont because you just can't be bothered to do even that... The excitement of it seems not to appeal.

In the late night your thoughts keep falling back to the thought of Jesus. could this be the holy spirit? Or is it more likely your extreme fatigue kicking you in the backside and messing with your mind. You consider turning to God for help but decide against it as you interpret this as human weakness, the wanting to have supernatural help when all other supports fall away. Even if you wanted to you wouldn't know where to start, there is nothing logical about religion and you have torn it apart too many times to be able to simply have faith. Faith, too much misplaced faith has left you scarred.

You keep looking back and asking yourself how you got to this point but you know the answer, just do not want to accept it. You listened to false promises and put yourself out there, laid bare your true self, your own feelings. Watch your back so you do't stab mine. Why did you not listen to that? It wasnt all bad, though, you learnt that you are normal to a degree with everyday feelings even though they are somewhat misplaced. Just need to get on with it and move on, stop lingering for what may never come. You were used. Deal with that.

The only comfort you find is your previous hiding place. Music. But even that has changed. It is still the same genre but you exposed most of that like an idiot and now all that calms you is faster, harder, more brutal music. This is angry music, more angry than you are. This helps... This drowns your feelings.

Body modification comes to mind but you do not do this, seems too close to self harm. You look at the time and realise you are going to get a dressing down from the college prof. You don't care, the days this once affected you seem very distant. Even he sees the change in you and doesnt bother shouting anymore. Your assignments are flawless so attendance seems a trivial issue.

Perhaps it is time to come out and express yourself more...

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Global Warming- The Horseshit Behind It...

Yes i thing the whole global warming is something blown up too much. (Looks of shock all around)

My favorite argument of all. Is it going to rain in seven days time and what will the temperature be? No-one can accurately give me an answer so don't try and tell me you can tell me what the temperature will be in 50 years.

The world MIGHT be getting warmer but it's not our fault.

(Right Click and select view image to see properly) Too tierd to upload again.

Take a look at that diagram, notice carbon levels are rising and falling and so are global temperatures? Someone want to explain? Perhaps the dinosaurs were burning fossil fuels? There are explanations but they are irrelevant. Point is, humans were not involved. We are simply in the rising limb of that temperature graph. We humans try to take too much credit for things.

Random bit of information. Remember the pre-eighties? I don't, i wasn't born yet, but still. Some may remember the world shaking at the thought of GLOBAL COOLING. What happened to that one?


In my opinion, the temperatures being compared to could be largely inaccurate. They say the earth has warmed up by what? about 1-3 degrees Celsius? Maybe but lets not forget we are comparing that against temperatures taken in the early 1900. Guess what, the thermometers used were not that accurate, so this could have changed the results.

Look at the list of scientific minds who are for Global Warming. They are all mathematicians and Physicists, their work is on paper. All theory. Look at a list of those who oppose it. Biologists, geologists and the like. More practical based people.

What about this argument that the world climate is changing. Yes it is. Nothing to do with us. The AVERAGE WORLD TEMPERATURE is rising. But it is cooling in other places. Look at a broad perspective. Millions of years ago tomatoes (You say tomato i say tomatoe) were growing on near the north pole. If only the dinosaurs were not burning those fossil fuels, we would have had more food! Okay, that is a bit long ago. Bring it back into time we can relate to a little more. The Romans. No, i'm not going to compare against their thermometers. What is now Libya and Morocco fed the Roman empire. And what do we have now? A whole bunch of sand. So after the dinosaurs left the Romans took up their place and burnt those fossil fuels! How inconsiderate!

Rising sea levels? I lived in Uganda for a while and had a farm by lake Victoria. Due to falling water levels we have an extra 15 meters of beach. Not a sea? Well that water ended up somewhere.

I wont go into the benefits of global warming but hey, the question is: Why exagerate it all?

1. Carbon trading (Money)
2. Scientists need us to be worried enough to fund them (Money)
3. We all know newspapers like to sell. (Money)
4. Money: See reasons 1-3

Yes, i concede the world probably is warming up. Too bad, its a small amount and natural. Stock up on suncream if you want. Nothing bad will happen. We should want global warming to happen. The benefits are numerous.

Lets devote our funds to more pressing things like world hunger and HIV/Aids. We know those are real but hey, theres no money in that i guess.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

An arguement for God... And against God...

Random bit of comprehensible thinking (I hope):

Someone today said one thing atheists are always challenged with by believers is atheists cannot prove the none existence of God. This was not the first time i heard this. Yes, to say the same thing, the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. In other words, because we cannot prove God does not exist, doesn't mean that we can come to the conclusion that he does not.

That is true but in my opinion:

The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. Yes, BUT A CONSISTENT LACK OF EVIDENCE IS MORE EVIDENCE OF ABSENCE. So, to put things into a real life example:

I tell you there is a dead dog in the pond, we go take a look in the pond but do not see one. This does not prove that there was never a dog in the pond. So we empty the pond now, we still do not find it. This still does not prove there was never a dog in there, perhaps someone moved it when we were unaware but, this is more evidence towards there never having been a dog in there.

Back to the point of God. For hundreds of years we have had no evidence for the presence of God and thus for me, this is evidence of the absence of God.

P.S i say hundreds not thousands because i refuse to concede anything pre-1500 CE (AD) as evidence of miracles as before that we blamed things like rain or lack of it on the Gods moods. Even 1500 CE is still a bit early but hey...

Saturday, September 12, 2009


Immortality is something that has perhaps been the most sought after thing in the past.

Life is about survival of the fittest for most but growing up around my 'mother' i have realized i don't want to live like that, for me it is about co-existing and leaving a smile on peoples faces.
Everyone wants to be remembered. Even me.. A lot of people try any achieve this by collecting vast amounts of money and material possessions but those things pass hands when you die and the source is soon forgotten, another thing you could do is play Hitler or something similar and you will stain the pages of history for generations to come with your name...

The best thing you could do in my opinion is to reach out and help whoever you can, even in the smallest ways and they may not know your name etc but you will be immortalized in their memory forever as you will have brought a little appreciation to them and perhaps even a smile to their face.

This is how to be remembered. This is being immortal.

PS- I THINK i came up with this sitting in a boring psychology lesson but i could be wrong, if someone knows if i picked it up unknowingly from somewhere please let me know so i stop imagining its mine...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Who Is God- An Afterthought...

There has to be a God. This is one argument believers have always been able to flatten me with. I will elaborate.

Both Atheists and Believers ( I will call them Children Of God from now on for the sole purpose of my own amusement) accept that the universe is an object of immense complexity. Now children of God always ask me how such a complex system could just randomly come into existence without the help of a supernatural being, a greater architect planning it all and putting it together. To be honest when I try and think about as complex a thing as the universe my head starts to spin and i lose perspective since it reminds me just how small we all are. This is not the point.

The point is yes, I don't know. I have no answer, but what I do now have is another question. Okay, i concede i cannot answer the universe question but can a a child of God tell me this. Who is God, who made God? Can such a complex and all powerful being just come into creation? How was God made? Who decided God should be the Alpha and the Omega? Why not me?

Please don't say God just is... Because then I can easily say the universe just is and we are back to square one...

Friday, August 14, 2009

An afterthought... (Part 3)

"The rudiments have always been misinterpreted during history,
despite the good intentions of many disciples who's faithful believe was strong and unswayed.
Most leaders interpret the old words to their
advantage in the attempt of gaining leadership and power
over those unfortunate enough to fall under their maliciousness and manipulative ways.
This misuse of trust will forever stain the pages of history,
echoing the exploitation and the frailty of decent
men carried away by nurtured rancour..."


I heard this in a song by a band i have taken a liking too recently... From this we can basically say that yes Religion and Capitalism go hand in hand but as Eizzy said, they are not necessarily a result of one another. But, religion has been a tool of those in power for centuries. Even now in this day and age we see it with Islam. Some individuals have manipulated scriptures from the Koran in order to have their followers do their will. In turn the western world has not done it's part to protect the stature of Islam but have further burned these stereotypes into the minds of the people in order to justify their 'war on terror.'

"This misuse of trust will forever stain the pages of history."

Anyway, this was me blowing up a small point a little excessively but it is something that has deeply annoyed me over the years. I invite anyone to say i am wrong about it though....

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Image:None: Faith-Eating

Some Good Reading

Image:None: Faith-Eating

Whatever I Called The Last One... This Is Part 2

Since Eizzy.K Decided to jump the gun and write part two in the comments of the first one, rather than repeat what he/she/it said I'll quote:

"Its true, capitalism and religion have always gone hand in hand, but it’s the capitalists, those smart bastards, who used and abused religion for their own gain, have been doing so even in biblical days…eg. The Pharasis…there’s even a part in the bible when they used the church as a market place of sorts and Jesus flipped out…yeah…

The Communists ( less tactful than the capitalists) tried to get rid of religion, and we all know how communism was such a flop.

Looking back on time, like the French revolution, when people got fed up of giving money to the church which ended up in peoples pockets, they rebelled and banned religion (but mainly because it was so connected to the monarchy ).

Revolution became their religion, but even then, after the death of king Louis and the establishment of the first form of democracy (committee of public safety then council system)-all run by the leading revolutionists- people in power still abused this system to suit their own personal gain and interests (like sending people they just didn't like to the guillotine as “traitors” yet they had done nothing).

It was a bloody time, and people came to hate them even more than they hated the church!

Eventually Napoleon came along and re established Catholicism as well as practice of any other religion in France.

He recognized the importance of religion, called it “the social cement” as it had a way of keeping people together…

still, he re established it and manipulated it in his favor, although on the surface the kept the state and church separate…"

To add, Eizzy says they go hand in hand but are not a result of one another. Which i agree with but they are tools of one another. As Eizzy said, the French did get rid of it but it ended up being anarchy and mass executions. Again this is reductionist but the point is, religion is/was a tool of social order.

The Church seems to be losing power but they still seem to be able to do what the rest of us can't. Elude that bastard the Tax man. Now there is an act of God. Next time that IRS bastard comes knocking it may be an idea to form a cross with your fingers. See if it repels him...

Friday, August 7, 2009

Clear Thinking In Troubled Times.... (Part 1)

Now where did i get that title from? I am so sure i have heard it somewhere. Anyway...

I have always heard of these get rich early retirement schemes. Haven't we all? It has come to my attention that the church is not taxed in most countries regardless of how much income in generates. This amazes me but i understand why. Another thing is the priest is entitled to about 20% of the money given in. This doesn't sound like much but a small following of lets say 100 people giving in $1 each on Sunday, that equals to $20 for an hours 'work'. Yes, that is peanuts but what about 1000 followers? And who says they are going to give only $1? Or even better, the Catholics who give Tithe (That's ten percent is it not?) Now that is how to ensure retirement in style. This is not a bad option to fall back on if not all goes to plan in the future. And the best part is, those assholes in power (What a blunt statement considering they have never done anything to offend me... Then again they have never done anything to please me which they are taking my tax money to do) will not get a single cent of it! Of course the other option is staring up a gambling ring or casino but of course, taking peoples hard earned money like that is way bellow me, I'll stick to church plans...

Anyway, on a more serious note, jokes aside, why does this happen. Religion seems to be one of the biggest money making scams ever. Again i'm going to specifically target Christianity but that is only because i am more familiar with it. Capitalism. This is the main structure of society today. Is it not coincidental that the same group of people that started and controlled the church started capitalism? Lets hold the capitalism for now and push back even further in history.

The Dark/Middle ages...

How did kings manage to milk their empires of wealth day after day with little question or uprising? Answer- religion. The king was second in power to God. Why didn't he make himself the Alpha? Because it was useful to be able to use God as a scapegoat for questions he could not answer or actions that could not be justified. This was also a good way of keeping people content, after all he was not taking people's lively hood etc for personal gain, he was only doing God's will. The Church kept the people in check by scaring them into submission for the king and in return they were handsomely rewarded with money in plenty (And little altar boys... Why can i never resist this joke?!)

Monday, August 3, 2009

Open Minded

Just thought i would re-post this video Holey Hands showed me. Really worth watching and nicely compliments what i said.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

What The Hell Is Wrong With Believers?!

After yet another conversation (If you can call it that) with a so called 'Child Of God' I have been infuriated and the keys on my Macbook are paying the price now by being hammered down with rather inappropriate brutality.

It really has started to get to me that these 'believers' keep calling me a closed minded 'Hater'. I'm going to be even more specific here. Its the Christians! Muslims seem to accept what you are and generally listen to your views before getting annoyed (If at all) and putting their point across. Christians on the other hand seem to be very childish. At least most of them are. Pardon the ethnocentric comments for now...

Closed minded. That's what I keep being called. This seems to be the most commonly played card in their hand. Lets break this down.

A closed mind (or closed-minded) is someone unreceptive to new ideas or information.

(This is a definition from Not the best source of information in my opinion but it will serve. If you want something to be accepted by the masses as a truth, just post it on there.)

So what the hell makes me closed minded? I have read the Bible, Qu'ran and Tripitaka and given them all alot of time. I was raised a Christian so I did give that a chance. So that just about covers me... I have given these ideas a chance. Its alot of believers who are the bloody closed minded ones.

Now, when i have a religious debate with someone I try and argue my points rationally and logically. I have been attacked because of this on the grounds that I cannot be argueing logically or rationaly about religion. Wrong! Maybe YOU can't but i can! Anything can be arued rationally and logically if it has a valid point but if it can't, then thats obviously a stupid idea and i don't see how anyone can believe it.

Its alot of these people who come accros as closed minded to me. The scream this at me and then proceed to argue the point with comments like "You just need faith." Now a statement like that is not a good arguement... Its a childish point, that's what it is. Another of my favourite ones is "You'll know we were right when you burn in hell" now that is just stupid. That may be true but what does it have to do with anything? Here is a prime example:

"In hundreds of years we have not seen any obvious acts of God? Why?"

"You will burn in hell!"

Uhm yeah... Burn in hell i will...

All im going to say is if believers want to discuss these things, then lets do it like we are older than a five year old with an attention span of a goldfish. They say sceptics are insensetive and rude but hey, i think it's the other way around...

My keyboard has suffered enough....

Saturday, August 1, 2009

The Atheist Blogroll

'Religion- Confessions Of An Atheist?' has been added to The Atheist Blogroll. You can see the blogroll in my sidebar. The Atheist blogroll is a community building service provided free of charge to Atheist bloggers from around the world. If you would like to join, visit Mojoey at Deep Thoughts for more information.

Friday, July 31, 2009


This is a topic i have been a little hesitant to write about but i think i will now...


The Alpha and the Omega (Omega... These days the destroyer aspect seems to be forgotten. Quite interesting topic. I think the Christian religion has evolved a little to accommodate more people and 'reel' them in. What happened to the vengeful God of the old testament of the Bible?) A supernatural being looking down at us all? An all loving and caring creator? An Icon? A myth? A delusion?... An egotistical attention seeker is what comes to my mind...

You know i think i finally get the whole heaven hell thing. You know how they say if u do a hundred good deeds, you will still "burn in hell" if you don't accept God into your heart? Always thought that was bull... Belief technically shapes our reality, personality and perhaps eternity too... Scientifically, belief is like a grey area. Some views think its a mental state not specifically pin pointed to a part of the brain, others simply firing of the neurons, but no one really knows...Its widely known that our beliefs are powerful and greatly affect human behavior. Its like saying if you believe god has a place for you in heaven there will be one. If u believe there is nothing after death, there will be nothing. It all comes down to this.

For me the word God is the same as the word Good. So good is God... Heaven is actually already here on earth so if you fail to embrace the God (Good) in your life you will end up missing out on it, living out your life here on earth in hell.... As for God, a god is formed everytime someone puts their mind to it, God is inside us all if we choose for it to be so. The human body is very powerful as well as the mind but very few of us realize exactly what we can do... We need this God inside us to help unlock further potential.

It is much easier for us to believe in a supernatural being than to believe in ourselves. It would not be possible to find a heaven here on earth without a God. There is too much pain and suffering but having a God helps us strike a balance and live with it the best we can. That's why i love the idea of religion so much. That's why i love God.

And if all we have to do is 'believe' and so be it, then i shall not waste the potential of my mind....

I can imagine if i am wrong and the Christian God is real. On judgment day my interview will be put on the loudspeaker for everyone to hear. Oh well, ill go down laughing, if i'm not let into heaven on the grounds that i didn't kiss the almighty's arse, so be it...

*Some of these views were heavily influenced by a conversation with Lizis on this topic...


Sunday, July 5, 2009

The Turin Shroud

So the Turin Shroud was a self portrait of Da Vinci. Wow, bummer, was exciting to think this was the messiahs burial cloth. Yet another blow to the Christian world.

Random thought- How did this stereotypical view of Jesus's appearance come about? Ever noticed in all movies and pictures etc he looks the same?!

Are people still going to pay to see the Shroud? I know i want to now....

Saturday, July 4, 2009

How Can So Many Be Wrong?

A few days ago i was asked how, if i am right about God, so many people could possibly be wrong about God. Rather than answering with a standardized answer e.g look how many people believed the earth was flat, i thought about it a little. This morning i got my answer from one of the most unlikely sources.

"So many religions but only one God, i don't need another savior...."
-Ozzy Osbourne

So, if i am wrong this still means that only one of your religions are right. Joke is still on you.... See you at the barbecue in hell...

Monday, June 29, 2009

Heaven.... Directions please?


I guess the promise of heaven is necessary and came about because it gives people the promise of a better place. Something to live for so to speak (Rather die to for would make more sense?) It makes life more bearable. I find this beautiful because it encourages people, no matter how shitty or 'unfair' their circumstances to live a 'good' life and be happy. Perhaps even help someone else along their way... Heaven is like the promise of a sweet to a good little boy from his mother.

This is a topic that has greatly fascinated me. So much so that it was one of the reasons i read the Bible, Qur'an and the Buddhist texts. Not that i was looking for Heaven or anything. It was more to understand why millions around the world resort to religion. Is this not why people are religious? In the aim of achieving everlasting salvation? booking their place in God's kingdom?
-Random thought... Have you ever looked around your church and thought "Yes, these are the people i want to spend eternity with!"-
Before i deliver my somewhat disheartening opinion of heaven i thought i would give a brief outline of heaven in different followings.

1.Islam- Heaven is called 'Jannah' which comes from an arabic word that means to cover or to hide (Allah's home in the sky is not visible) This is the land of happiness etc... Nothing new or exciting there. But while reading the Qur'an i also came up with a different impression. I am quite sure i have miss interpreted this but ill say anyway- The earth is heaven and we are all stewards put here to give it our contribution before moving on. As i said this may be my mind twisting things to suite my views.

2.Christianity- Keep this short... Living place of God and the land of those granted salvation by God. This is a quote that i found is pretty good food for thought...

"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time! But he loves you!"
-George Carlin.
This quote make me think that perhaps Christianity has veered over the years? Perhaps the Christian God is not as all forgiving as has been taught of late. A lot of people better hope i am wrong...

3.Buhddism- The Buddhist concept of heaven and hell is entirely different from that in other religions. Buddhists do not accept that these places are eternal. It is unreasonable to condemn a man to eternal hell for his human weakness but quite reasonable to give him every chance to redeem himself. From the Buddhist point of view, those who go to hell can work themselves upward by making use of previously acquired merit. Hell is not a life sentence. Hell is a temporary place and there is no reason for anyone to suffer there forever. This seems to me a lot more palatable.

4. My view- This was quite influenced from ideas of Islam and Buddhism i think. I have always thought that the earth is Heaven. We have life and can do with it quite a lot though i would have to admit that our circumstances at the beginning of life have a lot to do with what we can or can't accomplish. We must enjoy our time here and perhaps use it to make ourselves useful to this world. There is no point in worrying about what will happen when we die because the fact is we will and no-one can escape it. The fact is death is necessary for life to continue. Imagine what life would be like if no-one died. Famine, overpopulation... This is a very Malthusian opinion but hey.... We are constantly breeding a superior stronger form of human who live longer and 'better' lives. But what is the point of living longer at the expense of enjoyment and happiness. Why drag on life instead of enjoying that fatty burger while you can or that beer and dying at 60 rather than pushing on to reach 120 living off rabbit food? Is that really living?
Life is a highway with birth at one end and death at the other. What you drive and in which lane is totally up to you so why not make the most of it? Who knows what is at the end? And the fact is we are all going to find out. I've been asked "what is going to happen to you since you don't believe in the after life?"
I am going to cease to exist and inspire the cabbages to grow.... Lets hope they taste good. At least we all know we will be useful.
I won't waste my life away praising a higher being or anything like that. If 'God' exists is the all forgiving and loving being He is said to be, for living a good life and being nice to others i am assuming it will be overlooked that i did not feed His massive ego but ritually kissing his ass every sunday and will not be sentenced to a lifetime of pain and suffering in hell to think about what i've done. What the hell would i do in heaven all day anyway? Smell the flowers and skip through daisies all day? Sounds like a whole lot of No-fun! I don't want to live for eternity...

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Beginning Of The End...

I'll start by saying that i am 18 now and for the last 10 years my views on religion have slowly gone downhill and have evolved dramatically over the years. I would also like to point out that i am not anti-religion or anything of the sort. In fact i am pro religion, it can be a beautiful thing. That being said i do not believe in the one God, this will be explained further on. Having seen all this you must be quite confused as to what religious group i fall into, i am too, so if you do know, please let me know.
I was born into a good christian family (All hypocrites if you ask me) but i was never really hooked on religion or filled with the 'holy spirit' or any spirit for that matter until i was about fourteen or fifteen but those spirits fall under a totally different category. With such a background i should have ideally grown up to be a good christian with solid morals and beliefs. But i didn't.
Everything was fine until i was about eight years old. I can clearly remember it was a sunday in the summer and i was sitting in a tree eating the forbidden fruit (was this really the apple? This i think is one of the many misunderstandings in the bible. Were there ever apples growing in the region where the bible was written? I think not. In my opinion the forbidden fruit was the pomegranate.) This tree happened to be behind the church and the adult church had just finished. The priest walked out of the church with the bowl containing the Holy water from that mornings anointments, he proceeded to empty the contents of the bowl over his flower patch raining down life giving goodness on them. A shiver run down my spine and my eight year old brain started whirring, immediately the solid foundations that had been drilled into me dissolved, i turned to my cousin for answers but she just smiled and continued to attack her apple with her boyish ferocity.
I needed answers, i had to get them. I clambered down the tree and jogged up to the priest. I asked him why he had poured out the Holy water out. He laid a pale hand on my shoulder ( Back off mister, you're not finding peace in my rectum... errr rectory...) And said:
"Son, this water was only boiled and blessed for and thus symbolizes..." my hearing cut off at this point. WRONG ANSWER buddy, this moment called for a 'white lie', to this day i wonder what would have happened if he had bent the truth a little. This day marked the beginning of a long list of questions beginning with 'Why...' which seemed to be very awkward and difficult to answer in any way other than "it was God's will!" This standardized answer led to me seeking my answers on my own.

"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" - Douglas Adams.

This is a quote which reminds me of one of the first questions i asked myself. Why do people believe in God? One answer that i thought up was because it is human nature to want to have an answer for everything. When walking down the street when you ask for directions, very rarely, regardless of wether a person knows or not will they say "I don't know sorry." (Unless you are in a place where they are just rude) In most cases people who don't know are likely to point you in the wrong direction rather than saying they can't help you regardless of the ramifications on you're part. The point is that putting this into consideration, when we, and our ancestors can not explain anything we love to point the finger at a higher being and have an answer to why something happened. I guess it is human nature. We have the burning need to know everything. In both Islam and Christianity we see this a lot. The Christian faith like to say "It was/is God's will." "Maktob" is in my opinion, the Islamic equivalent to "It was God's will." This word or phrase means "It was written" meaning the past present and future was written by ALLAH. Perhaps i am interpreting this wrong but i like to at least pretend that i have control over my life and what will happen in it. I do not like to think i am some puppet or tool of a higher being put here for His amusement. (Is God or Allah a man? A woman? We were made in His image.) Wether this is true or not, i am living how i want (within reason) and doing what i want! This brings me to my next question/ point, "What is heaven and where is it?"